Winter Holidays = Stay Inside and Sleep All Day..

Yes, my phone is disconnected.
Yes, it's on purpose.
Yes, that's the way I want and like it.

I don't want anyone calling to wish me "Merry Christmas".
I don't want anyone calling and inviting me to any parties.
I don't want anyone calling and asking me to come outside.
I just want to stay inside with the shutters pulled and sleep - all day long

Why?
Because I'm exhausted.

This winter vacation is about me. Me, me, me...


I've been passing the time watching movies, Japanese TV, eating steak and avoiding Jehovah's witnesses..

Yeah, you read right: Jehovah's witnesses
Now, if someone had told me, before I came to the land of the rising sun, that I'd be dealing with Jehovah's witnesses on a regular basis I would have been skeptical.
I remember the first time one came to door...I suppose I should be thankful - I get to practise my Japanese. He had this book all wrapped up and kept going on and on about how important it was. I was thinking "Did I order a book? I don't remember ordering a book?". He opened the book and it was in Japanese and I thought "..maybe I ordered this book..."
..but as soon as I saw the smiling white faces of the blond hair, blue-eyed people on the cover I figured it out...


I was so pissed that this guy had me standing there talking to him when I could have been sitting on my ass doing nothing that I told him to leave and never come back.
I didn't say it in Japanese either. I think he understood.

Dear Japanese Jehovah's witnesses:
If you going to disturb people early in the morning, in order to tell them that every logical belief they have is incorrect, please make sure of 2 things:

1. Said person is not a poor gaijin working their asses off just to get by in your country, and sleeping in for the first time in months and


2. Speak their language

The exchange will only go one way otherwise:

J-Jehovah (in Japanese) "You need this important book!"
Me:(In Japanese) "I can't read that book."
J-Jehovah (in Japanese) "That's ok. You can still buy it.."
Me: (in English) "Leave and never come back to this apartment."

So, as I was saying, I've been watching a lot of Japanese TV.

Comedy in Japan
This was supposed to be a separate post, but I may as well put it here:
Firstly, Japanese comedy is different to western comedy - Japanese comedians focus more on slapstick, it seems.

case in point: Edo Harumi

I know what you're thinking: "..but so much must be lost in the translation..!"
Not really..she's basically reciting all the things that she thinks are good ("Gu-!") to the song "My Sharona", and ends with her (not so) patented double thumbs up.
"..but surely she must have some other comedic skill to be on Japanese TV..?" you think to yourself...





Welcome to Japanese stand-up comedy.
If she's lucky she'll end up hosting Japanese TV shows or something.

Dear Japanese comedians: your schtik is funny..but only the first 500 times.
Mix it up a bit.

I shouldn't complain; at least they're making me go outside..

Green Thumb 違います。

Available In A Variety of Colours..

I Try to Keep Up With My Toilet Technology..

I'd heard of but never actually encountered these features before:

1.The button-activated seat raiser (with independent seat and cover control).
I actually used them for verifaction purposes only - the toilet also seemed to have a sensor that raised the cover automatically when I entered the stall.

2.Deoderizer and built-in nozzle cleaner.

3.Foot-activated faucet control.

The only part of my body that touched anything in that toilet was my ass.

Nice restaurant..Good Food..Nice Font..Atrocious Spelling..

Never before have I had "Bacon-Leek Jenga"..

"Creaning"

L's and R's are commonly confused by the Japanese.

"We are proud to present this doughnut to you."

"Please enjoy this as a doughnut or at tea time..or at lunchtime..or as a bagel or a sandwich.."

And The Award For "Guy Most Likely to Get Kicked in the Ass While Working on a Spreadsheet" Goes To:

This guy.

No, he didn't just drop his documents on the ground..

This guy's conducting business on his mobile that's SO important that he had to stop right there and then, drop his papers on the floor, and use the ground as a table..
Yup. Right there in the middle of Kawasaki station川崎駅...at 3 o'clock in the afternoon...with hella people walking all round.

川崎駅 is a madhouse at rush hour.
I consider myself to now be well-trained in the art of not-bumping-into-anyone-in-the-Tokyo-Metropolis; effortlessly threading my way between people with ninja-like precision..

I can't do that in 川崎駅. There're simply too many people at rush hour. Sometimes in 川崎駅 you can't see your feet in front of you.

AND STILL this guy finds this place to be quite appropriate to relay this quarter's figures to the head office.

You're a salaryman, dude..organize your crap and buy a desk.

Shop, Shop, Shop..

More Japanese Christmas cheer..

“Can I Have That Last Dead One？"

I can't think of many things I'd like to eat less than a bloated puffer fish that's been sitting at the bottom of the restaurant fish tank for a couple of days.

Seems like a slow painful death waiting to happen..